A Chipmunk on Steroids
by Sexy Bookworm
Summary: When Pogue has to get his wisdom teeth removed, he takes Caleb along with him, thus hilarity and choas ensue, along with a comparison between swelling and chipmunks. Oneshot.


Note: I actually got my wisdom teeth removed when I was only 12. They weren't grown in yet. It was obscenely unpleasant. Even though that was over three years ago, the characters must feel my pain. Well, actually it wasn't that painful, its just nothing in my life can go according to plan. That, and there needs to be more regular stories in this fandom. I mean, I love a good OC, but dang, baby!

**A Chipmunk on Steroids**

"_You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you can not do." –Eleanor Roosevelt_

"You know, people die from anesthesia."

Caleb Danvers looked over at his best friend as he said those words. He had seen his friend go through many emotions, everything from anger to sadness to disappointment. But truly utterly terrified was not one he commonly saw.

Especially not from a simple surgery.

"Yeah, like one in a million. Dude, you're been in a hospital before. Why is this any different?" Replied Caleb, as he flipped through a germ infested magazine. Pogue just glared at him, and then replied, "First of all, this isn't technically a hospital. It's some fancy teeth removal place. Second of all, that was unexpected. I did not wake up and say, oh, I'm going to the hospital today."

"I thought you said this wasn't a hospital?" Asked Caleb with a smirk, as he shut the magazine.

"Close enough! Still, it isn't unexpected. Why don't you just knock me out unexpectedly? Then it will be a surprise..." trailed off Pogue thoughtfully, as if he was actually considering it. Frankly, it wouldn't surprise Caleb if he was, considering how hard he was gripping the arms of the waiting room chair.

"God, Pogue, it's just your wisdom teeth. Didn't you have your tonsils out when we were ten?" Caleb inquired as he contemplated as to weather or not Pogue would rip the old magazine he had rolled into a cylinder and was nervously bending back and fourth.

"We were ten, Caleb. Besides, you weren't even there. My mom and dad were. I think they just made it worse, too. My dad is freaked out by planned operations too, so he was totally silent. My mom was her usual spazzy self, giving me all these statistics, so that really didn't help. Then she called the doctor a dick and he heard her, and next thing we know there was a fight, but not between the doctor and my mom the doctor and his trophy wife and of course my mom kicked ass…"

"So this time you brought me," muttered Caleb, although he was feeling slightly touched that his friend would bring him of all people, "Maybe the fear of hospitals is genetic."

"It's more so planned operations, not hospitals."

"Yeah, everybody tends to have that one weird fear."

"Like your fear of flying?" Said Pogue in a singsong voice, happy to finally have some leverage with Caleb.

"Shut up. Planes explode and crash and are a target for terrorism. What about Reid's claustrophobia?"  
"That's funny. Although I thought he was going to pass out in the fun house last year, when we had to crawl through that tunnel. Or Tyler's fear of dogs."

"I bet more people die from flying than dogs," Caleb said, thoughtfully. There was then a lull in the conversation, neither knowing anybody well enough to know their odd little fears. Except for maybe Kate and Sarah, but some things are better left unsaid. Like Kate's fear of gnomes, or Sarah's fear of midgets.  
"I bet more people die from getting their wisdom teeth removed than dogs and small spaces and flying combined!" Pogue mumbled childishly, almost as an after thought.

"Pogue, who do you know that has died from getting their wisdom teeth out?" Said Caleb, attempting to be a voice of reason. Pogue opened his mouth as if to respond, paused, and then snapped it shut.

"Yeah, see? You are not going to die. We'll be out of here in an hour."

"I hate you. Because you're Mr. Perfect, you don't need to have your wisdom teeth out. Yours aren't even impacted," muttered Pogue angrily, as he held his breath when the receptionist poked her head out of the window to call a name, which, was thankfully not his.

"I'm sorry I have nice teeth. Besides, if they were impacted, that would mean I would have to get mine removed, too. As Reid would say, just because you put a fancy word in from of wisdom teeth does not mean it's going to hurt worse," replied Caleb. The comment managed to get a smile smirk out of Pogue.

"Hey, they said it might hurt worse. My wisdom teeth grew in fricken sideways. Sideways!"

"Look on the bright side," said Caleb, "Maybe they will let you keep your teeth in a jar!" Though the expression on Pogue's face after that comment clearly said that wouldn't be a bright side.

"Ok, so maybe that's not a good thing. Ok, remember my cousin Liz? She got her wisdom teeth removed, and she was playing basketball five days later!"

"Yeah, but she looked like a chipmunk on steroids. I don't want to be a chipmunk on steroids!" Pogue said slightly hysterically. Unfortunately, it was that exact moment that the receptionist poked her head out her window and called his name.

"Parry, Pogue."

Pogue instantly stopped moving, and once again gripped the arms of his chair. Stone still, he stared straight ahead, not making a move to get up anytime soon.

"Pogue, come on," said Caleb as he stood up and looked down at his best friend.

"Pogue, just get it over with!"

Still, there was no movement from Pogue to stand up.

"Dude, come on."

No response. Caleb then leaned forward, and started to whisper threateningly into Pogue's ear, "Listen. If you do not get up and go get your freaking wisdom teeth removed I will drag you in there, by your hair, kicking and screaming if necessary. Then, when we go home, I will not hesitate to show Kate the picture of you in a dress from when we were five. Now, go be a man and get your teeth yanked from your gums, ok?"

Pogue's eyes then widened after Caleb's speech, and he turned his head and looked at him.

"You wouldn't?"  
"Want to bet?" Caleb replied, in a sly tone. Pogue then finally stood up, took four steps forward, and stopped. Caleb then, literally, kicked him lightly in the ass.

"Go-"

"I'm going!" Pogue muttered, as he made his way across the waiting room, very slowly. Caleb simply gave a little wave, and sat down to wait for the operation to be over.

This could only end badly.

A little over an hour later, Caleb was called back to see his friend and then help him get to the car. The wait wasn't bad, though, because he was able to flirt with a girl about a year younger than him, who was getting her wisdom teeth out. He even got her number, which he was planning on giving to Tyler.

Caleb walked back into the post-op room, to find a jacked-up on pain meds Pogue, arguing with the doctor.

"Can't I just yank it out, I mean-"Pogue slurred, the numbness obviously not gone from his face. The doctor shot Caleb a pleading look, and then said, "No, you can not remove the IV right now. Wait five more minutes for the nurse to get here, and then she can remove it for you. It is her job."

"Pogue, just be patient, or I swear to God that picture will be linked over the internet," Caleb but in, bringing Pogue's rant to an end. The doctor then beckoned for Caleb to walk away so he could talk to him.

"I take it you're Mr. Parry's friend, here to pick him up?" The doctor asked, once they were out of Pogue's hearing distance. Caleb nodded and then shook the doctors' hand, "Yes, I would be the person given that unfortunate task. Caleb Danvers."

"Well, Mr. Danvers, can I put this into perspective for you?" The doctor questioned, and Caleb nodded, wondering what hell Pogue had put the doctors through.

"I have three daughters, and at one point they were all teenagers. One of my girls was 17, the other 16, and my youngest 14. They were all 'madly in love' with the same guy, some kid named who was 16 that lived next door. One day, they got into a fight with a bottle of glue, some feathers, and glitter in our living room while working on a school project, over him. The incident itself, and its aftermath, were ten times easier than removing your friends' wisdom teeth. I presume you are related to or know teenage girls?"  
"Yes."

"Then you understand what I'm trying to say. I won't go into details, but I'd rather relive the glitter fight than operate on your friend again. Anyways, here is the prescription for the pain medication; some people don't even use it. The stitches will dissolve by themselves, the numbness will remain for a bit longer, and the bleeding should stop within the hour. I recommend ice to keep the swelling down. Don't let him eat hard foods for a couple days, and that's it. Have a nice day."

"You too, doctor," Caleb then walked back over to Pogue's bed, to find him bickering with the nurse about earlier.

"Was it really necessary to use force? I mean really-"

"You looked like you were going to cry, not to mention you took out a chair and two beds!" The nurse replied, obviously exasperated.

"Come on, Pogue," Caleb said, "You've already put the employees here through enough hell, let's go home."

"Thank god," Pogue muttered, as he struggled to get up with Caleb's help. The nurse looked like she was refraining from hugging Caleb, as he led his friend out of the clinic.

"Fuck, it hurts," Pogue groaned that evening, from his spot on Caleb's sofa. The two had returned to Caleb's house, to do nothing much for the rest of the day. The two were currently seated in front of the TV, watching TV Land, because you can only watch crime show reruns for so long.

"Oh, suck it up. Liz complained less than you. Heck, I think Reid complains less than you in general right now. Now sit back and enjoy the magic of Gilligan's Island," Caleb Snapped back, from his spot on a big chair across the room, "At least were not watching Threes Company still."

"Are you kidding? Chrissie was mega hot. Little blonde thing…" Pogue replied, in a dazed tone.

"Wish Kate could hear you say that."  
"Hey, I have drugs as a defense, and that's pretty good. It's like the alcohol defense, only better!"

"You also look pretty pathetic," Caleb observed, "Laying there like a kicked little puppy…"

"Shut up," whined Pogue, as he stuck his tongue out as far as he could from his swelled mouth.

It was then that they heard the front door open and slam shut.

"Yo, anybody home? Reid has arrived, you can all be happy now!"

"Great," Pogue said, "I'm so going to get crap from him. Do I look that swelled up?"  
Caleb winced, and then said, "Oh it's not that bad, seriously." Reid then entered the room, and leaned on the back of the sofa Pogue was laying on.

"Gilligan's Island, were being exciting this Friday. I always had a thing for the movie star, what was her name?" Reid asked, as he walked over to another large chair and sat down.

"It was Ginger Grant," Said Pogue, his words still a little muffled from the 'not that bad' swelling.

"Yeah, she was almost as hot as Chrissie on Three's Company. Oh, and Tyler is coming over in an hour. He had to do something for his mom or something like that," Reid replied, causing Pogue to look at Caleb with a lopsided smirk, obviously referring to Chrissie's hotness. The three sat in silence for a few moments, Pogue happy to have 'made it through' the operation, and feeling slightly tired. He was about ready to drift off, tired from the crazy day, when Reid said, "Omigod, Pogue, you're swelled up like a chipmunk on steroids."

He was going to kill Caleb.


End file.
